How to Write an Obituary That Actually Captures Who They Were
Writing an obituary is one of the hardest things you'll do while grieving. You're trying to compress an entire life — decades of personality, relationships, and meaning — into a few hundred words. Most obituaries end up sounding like everyone else's. This guide helps you write one that sounds like them.
The 8 Essential Parts of an Obituary
Full Name & Key Details
Start with their full legal name (including maiden name if applicable), age, city of residence, and date of death. This is the factual anchor that identifies them. Example: 'Margaret Rose Chen (née Williams), 78, of Portland, Oregon, passed away on March 2, 2026.'
Date & Place of Birth
Include when and where they were born, and who their parents were. This grounds their story in a beginning. If they had a significant hometown or moved countries, mention the journey.
What They Did — Career & Purpose
Not just their job title, but what drove them. A teacher who 'taught 3rd grade for 30 years' is less meaningful than a teacher who 'spent 30 years convincing 8-year-olds they could do math, then running into them decades later as engineers and accountants.' Capture what they actually did, not just the category.
Who They Were — Personality & Character
This is the heart of the obituary. What made them specifically them? The way they told jokes. Their stubbornness about a particular principle. The thing they always said. Details others would nod at and say 'yes, that was exactly them.'
Family & Survivors
List surviving family members — typically spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings. Use 'survived by' or 'leaves behind.' Also mention those who 'predeceased' them. Include pets if they were important to the person.
Achievements & Milestones
Education, military service, awards, community involvement, volunteer work, organizations. Don't just list them — connect each to who they were. Their Eagle Scout award matters because of what scouting meant to them, not because of the badge.
Passions & Hobbies
The things they chose when nobody was watching. Their garden. Their woodworking shop. The books they read. Their sports team. These details are what make people reading the obituary feel like they knew them even if they didn't.
Service & Memorial Information
Date, time, and location of the funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life. Include whether it's open to the public. Mention streaming options if available. Add 'in lieu of flowers' donation preferences.
Obituary Examples by Style
Traditional (Newspaper)
“Robert James Murphy, 82, of Chicago, Illinois, passed away peacefully surrounded by family on February 28, 2026. Born in Brooklyn, New York, to James and Dorothy Murphy, he served in the U.S. Army before earning his engineering degree at Purdue. Bob spent 35 years at Commonwealth Edison, retiring as a senior engineer. He was a devoted Cubs fan who attended 47 consecutive Opening Days, a terrible golfer who loved every minute of it, and the kind of neighbor who shoveled your driveway before you woke up. Survived by his wife of 56 years, Patricia; children Michael (Sarah), Kathleen (David), and Thomas; seven grandchildren; and his loyal beagle, Walter. Visitation March 3 at Donnellan Funeral Home. In lieu of flowers, donations to Habitat for Humanity.”
Modern (Celebration of Life)
“If you're reading this, Diane Nakamura somehow managed to die, which honestly surprises no one more than her. She refused to slow down for 74 years, including raising four children while running her own bakery, hiking the Appalachian Trail at 60, and learning to skateboard at 71 (she was terrible at it). Diane believed that every problem could be solved with enough butter and optimism, and she was usually right. She is survived by her children, her 11 grandchildren, and approximately 200,000 cookies distributed to neighbors over four decades. A celebration of life will be held March 8 at Riverside Park — bring dessert, not flowers. She would have wanted that.”
Brief (Death Notice)
“Sarah Elena Torres, 45, of Austin, TX, died March 1, 2026. Beloved mother of Lucas and Maya, daughter of Elena and Carlos Torres. Teacher, reader, fierce Scrabble competitor. Memorial service March 5 at First Methodist Church, 2pm. Donations to Austin Public Library in her name.”
Writing Tips That Make a Difference
Write it together
Don't try to do this alone. Sit with family members and share stories. Everyone knew them differently, and collaborative writing produces richer, more complete obituaries.
Read it aloud
The best test of an obituary is reading it out loud. Does it sound like them? Would they recognize themselves? Would they laugh at the right parts? If it sounds like a template, rewrite the parts that feel generic.
Include one imperfection
Perfect people are forgettable. The fact that they burned every piece of toast, or couldn't parallel park, or got lost everywhere — those details make them real and make readers smile through tears.
Skip the clichés
'Passed away peacefully' and 'went to be with the Lord' are fine if true and meaningful to the family. But avoid filling the obituary with generic phrases. Every sentence should be specific to THIS person.
Don't rush
Most newspapers give you 1-3 days. Use them. The first draft is never the best version. Sleep on it, add the detail you forgot, remove the section that felt obligatory.
Consider the audience
Who will read this? If it's for a newspaper, include identifying details (career, organizations) so acquaintances recognize them. If it's online for close friends and family, go deeper into personality.
Beyond the Obituary — Preserving Their Full Story
An obituary is 200-500 words. A person is decades of stories, conversations, advice, humor, and presence. The things you can't fit in an obituary — the way they laughed, the advice they always gave, their response to every family crisis — those are what you'll miss most.
AfterLive preserves the parts of someone that an obituary can't. Upload their stories, personality, values, and voice recordings. The AI builds a conversational memory that future generations can talk to — asking questions, hearing stories, and understanding who this person really was beyond the dates and bullet points.
The obituary tells the world who they were. AfterLive lets you keep talking to who they were.
Their Story Deserves More Than 300 Words
Upload their stories, memories, and personality. AfterLive builds a living memory you can talk to — preserving everything an obituary can't capture.
Preserve Their Full Story →© 2026 AfterLive — Preserving the people who matter most.
Home · About · Pricing · Digital Memorials · Keeping Memories Alive